Learning to Listen: What Anxiety Might Be Trying to Tell You

As a therapeutic counsellor specialising in anxiety here in Milton Keynes, I often meet clients who feel trapped in a cycle of fighting their anxious thoughts and bodily sensations. It’s understandable: anxiety can feel frightening, overwhelming, and sometimes completely out of proportion to the situation at hand.

Yet one of the most profound shifts we can make is to move from fearing anxiety to becoming curious about it. Instead of asking “How do I get rid of this?” we can gently ask, “What might this be trying to tell me?”

I’d like to share a personal experience that brought this idea home to me in a very human way.

When anxiety creeps up on you...

Not long ago, my husband was overseas. Normally, my days carry on much the same whether he’s home or away; I’m quite comfortable in my routine. But this time, something small triggered a wave of anxiety in me. It was something that, under normal circumstances, I would have seen logic in and let go.

My initial reaction was frustration and self-criticism: Why am I feeling anxious about this? I know better! But after taking a pause, I recognised what was happening: my nervous system was dysregulated. Without my partner’s physical presence, my underlying sense of safety and support was thinner than usual. My anxiety wasn’t meaningless—it was signalling that I felt more vulnerable and less resourced to cope.

This was a reminder, even as a counsellor, that anxiety is rarely random. It often appears when there’s something deeper going on, even if we can’t see it right away.

Anxiety as a messenger, not an enemy

It’s very common to think of anxiety as something that must be eliminated. But what if anxiety is actually trying to protect us, even if its methods feel clumsy or uncomfortable?

From my work in anxiety counselling here in Milton Keynes, I see time and again that anxiety often points to something real and important. For example:

• Unprocessed trauma or difficult past experiences: Our bodies hold memories, and even if our conscious mind doesn’t connect the dots, our nervous system often will.

  
  

• Chronic stress: Long periods of stress can leave us stuck in a heightened state of

  alert, making small triggers feel much bigger.

  
  

• Feeling emotionally unsupported: When our usual sources of comfort or grounding aren’t available, anxiety can step in to keep us hyper-aware of potential threats.

  
  

• Living out of alignment with our values: Sometimes anxiety shows up to tell us that a part of us is deeply unhappy with how things are.

  
  

When we view anxiety this way, it becomes less like an enemy to fight and more like a part of ourselves trying (however imperfectly) to protect us.

Moving towards acceptance

Acceptance doesn’t mean we like feeling anxious, nor does it mean resigning ourselves to always feel this way. Instead, it means allowing the feeling to be there long enough to listen, rather than reacting with fear or resistance.

Some gentle questions we can ask ourselves include:

• What might this anxiety be trying to protect me from?

• Is there something in my life that feels unsafe, unheard, or unprocessed?

• What do I need right now to feel more grounded?

  
  

Practical ways to listen and respond

If you notice anxiety rising, you might experiment with:

✅ Grounding exercises: Focus on your breath, feel your feet on the floor, or name five things you can see and hear around you.

✅ Journaling: Write out what you’re feeling without judging it. Sometimes, clarity emerges just by putting words on paper.

✅ Gentle movement: Stretching, walking, or yoga can help release stored tension in the body.

✅ Talking to someone you trust: Sometimes anxiety just needs to be witnessed and heard.

Over time, these practices help you build a relationship with your anxiety that feels less adversarial and more compassionate.

Why professional support can help

Sometimes anxiety is rooted in deeper wounds or long-held patterns that can feel too big to unpack alone. Therapy can offer a safe, non-judgemental space to explore these layers, understand what your anxiety might be communicating, and learn new ways to respond.

As a counsellor specialising in anxiety in Milton Keynes, I help clients move beyond simply trying to “get rid of” anxiety. Together, we explore what lies beneath and develop tools to meet anxiety with understanding rather than fear.

You don’t have to face anxiety alone

If you’re struggling with anxiety—whether it’s mild but persistent, or feels overwhelming—know that you’re not alone. Anxiety is part of being human, and with the right support, it can become something we understand rather than something that controls us.

If my approach resonates with you, I invite you to get in touch. Together, we can listen to what your anxiety might be trying to tell you and work towards a calmer, more connected way of living.