• Amy Fokkens

Grief - 'The Wall Of Fire'

Updated: Jan 17



Many years ago I was processing the loss of my dad, he was only 44 and had battled for a few years with Oesophageal cancer. I had a lot of grief that I hadn't allowed myself to feel and decided to try out counselling.


It changed my life.


One thing that I experienced when working through my grief in counselling was something that I have seen my clients go through many times and I refer to it as the 'wall of fire'.


At the start of the counselling process there is an awareness of what needs to be worked on, an acceptance of a feeling perhaps but there is a fear. A fear that working through that feeling is going to hurt, and by hurt I mean BURN. A wall of fire in the distance that is raging and terrifying.


That wall of fire was my grief, the horrendous acceptance that my incredible dad was gone and never coming back. I knew the fire was there but there was in intense fear of allowing it to burn me, but I knew that it wasn't going anywhere. The fire would continue to burn, hotter, more intense and furious and that ultimately I needed to walk though it to be able to come out the other side.


And I did.


And it hurt, I mean REALLY hurt, it consumed me and the pain of the loss was unbearable but I wasn't alone. My counsellor 'held' me every step of the way, she guided me through the pain and provided a safe space for me to experience all of the grief I had packed away for so long.


With time I walked through the fire, and came out the other side. I was able to accept my loss, process the pain and move forward. The fire didn't disappear but I had been through the worse of it, and as I walked on I could feel the heat at my back and slowly but surely that heat became less and less intense and I had a sense of hope.



You may have been through something incredibly painful, it may have been recently or a long time ago but there is awareness that you have placed it in a neat little box and locked it away, after all it's easier not to feel it right?! But you know that fire is burning in the distance and it's only getting bigger and hotter.


Consider counselling, a safe space to walk through that wall of fire with someone there every step of the way to support you and guide you as you journey through the pain.


I would love to offer you that support, please feel free to contact me to find out more about how we could work together, because hey, that fire isn't going anywhere!




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