"Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others" – Brené Brown
Let's be honest, boundaries are not one of those things that most of us find easy. We don’t naturally find ourselves in every relationship considering carefully how far we will or will not let that person push the lines of what is okay or not. We get caught up in the joy of that relationship or friendship, we want that person to be happy and to feel at ease around us and the word ‘Boundary’ seems so strong, too stern and basically like you’re putting up a giant wall.
One thing I learned recently, boundaries are not walls, walls keep everybody out but boundaries show people where the door is.
Catchy quote right?
The question is where is your door?
I love this quote above from Brené because we basically can’t answer this question until we have the courage to love ourselves and put what we need and what we want first.
Now you're probably thinking "WOW this takes time, loving myself?! Where do I even begin?! There is so much to NOT like, so many mistakes, failures, and things I wish I could change.
Learning to fall in love with who you are takes time, like any relationship! Patience and permission to sometimes get it wrong, freedom to fail and to learning and take it a step at a time. Then as that relationship grows you start to learn where those doors are, things that once felt fine now feel uncomfortable, things that once you let go suddenly are NOT okay and you have no problem letting that person know.
Its true that setting boundaries can disappoint others, and if like me you are a recovering people pleaser it seems like the most painful and excruciating task! But setting boundaries and learning to love yourself go hand in hand.
So maybe the question isn’t ‘where your door?’ but instead, how much do you value yourself?